It’s that time of year again when the great and the good tell you about all the marvellous books they are planning to read poolside at their luxury villa on an Ionian island as they get away from it all for their possibly well-earned summer break. Many of them have also helpfully recommended the best books which just happen to be written by their colleagues, relatives and friends.
And nothing screams “it’s summer” more than being by a body of water with a big pile of books next to the lounger. Whilst it used to be that it was only your Wilbur Smiths, Arthur Haileys and generic bonkbusters which qualified as summer/beach reading, now anything goes.
As in previous years we decided against asking a range of higher ed celebrities for their book choices as they would ask for money and might not have come up with the right answers. And, of course there are others who do this so much better – for a serious look at the higher ed books you really should have read do check out Alex Usher’s list here (the only ones on his list I’ve read are the two non-HE ones, the Seicho Matsumoto crime thrillers, both of which are highly recommended). So here is our entirely subjective list of the best higher ed books of the past year or so which will be ideal reading for academics and administrators on their summer hols:
Life of Pies – An entertaining insight into mass catering at university sporting events (sponsored by BUCS and with a foreword by Delia Smith).
Bridget Jones’s Dairy – Everyone’s favourite professor of bovine studies returns with a powerful account of a year of researching a university dairy herd.
The Friday Timetable Club – ***The Instant Sunday Times Best Seller *** very much in the Richard Osman vein, this light and not at all bureaucratic tome has been credited with starting the whole ‘cosy campus crime’ genre (see also Murder at Matriculation) and features a group of very stressed timetabling administrators trying to fit too many students into too few classrooms without anyone having to teach on a Friday (or a Monday, ideally).
We Have Always Lived in the Castle – Space allocation and departmental resistance at an ancient university.
The Lovely Bones – A collection of essays by academic medics and celebrities displaying their osteological passions.
We’re All Still Doomed! A grim follow up to 2024’s similarly morose offering. A collection of essays from sector miserabilists who are convinced that every university is even closer to collapse than last year. Very much one for the glass-half-empty academic holidaymaker.
Keep Looking on the Bright Side! A follow up to the poorly selling 2024 book claiming to offer an antidote to more gloomy analyses of sector woes. A range of pieces by ludicrously upbeat authors who are staggeringly untroubled by the challenges currently facing universities. Free blinkers with every edition.
Notes from the Underground – A sumptuous and glossy coffee table book packed with never-before-seen pictures of subterranean university service corridors and tunnels. With full expert commentary from top estates directors.
Wild Swans – A comprehensive study of the best birds on university campuses. With a bonus chapter on Long Boi, everyone’s favourite legendary tall Indian Runner/Mallard duck.
Norwegian Wood – A searing expose of one university’s doomed attempt to offset its carbon usage by claiming to have planted a large forest somewhere East of Lillehammer.
Even More Places for Maces – Some never before seen university regalia and bling from all part of the global HE community.
Fear of Flying – Just appointed as Pro-Vice-Chancellor for International Partnerships, Professor Jones has to work out how to visit all of the university’s collaborating institutions around the world using only land and sea-based transport. A thrilling travelogue.
The Book Thief – An exciting new thriller in which a criminally obsessed economics researcher seeks to steal books written by his rivals from university libraries across the land in the face of stiff resistance from campus security teams.
A Rough Guide to University Mergers – Hastily cobbled together manual drawing on everything published recently by people who reckon they know what they are talking about. Third edition.
And Then There Were None – All too vivid dystopian thriller about the disappearance of classics departments across the country.
A Very, Very, Very Peculiar Practice – The HE sector’s most dysfunctional medical practice returns with a brand new set of off-beam medics in charge at an exciting new start-up university. Expect many more entertaining health-related issues across a very scattered campus.
The Horse Whisperer – Autobiographical account of one quietly spoken equine specialist academic’s struggle for their voice to be heard.
The Age of Innocence – A collection of essays from academic scholars reminiscing fondly of the time before the arrival of ChatGPT.
The Fault in Our Stars – A ragtag group of exasperated astrophysicists struggles to persuade a credulous public of the pointlessness of horoscopes.
Tinker Tailor Soldier AI – The hottest new graduate entry jobs. Plus some old ones.
Billon Dollar Brain – Money and Moore’s Law: a case study in the cost and growth in processing power in the world of high performance computing.
Distressed Universities: A Spotter’s Guide – all the tips and tricks you need to identify whether your university is financially distressed.
The OIA Catalogue of Complaints. Fully revised and updated with all the best complaints from the Office of the Independent Adjudicator. Whether justified or not, this bumper book has the lot. Who can forget the case “Illegible feedback – CS05394C Partly Justified”, the remarkable “Dodgy pie experience – CS11372F Not Justified” and, of course, “Crap accommodation – CS012407 Partly Justified”
Why Do They Hate Us So Much When We Are All So Nice? – A practical guide for all of those involved in public engagement and community relations in higher education.
All You Need to Know About the Spending Review But Were Afraid to Ask (Second edition) – With a new foreword by Rachel Reeves. This troublingly slim volume answers all your questions both succinctly and vaguely.
Foundation Year – a recently re-discovered Isaac Asimov science fiction classic in which a group of students in a remote part of the galaxy embark on their initial level 0 studies with ambition to progress academically and change the galactic empire.
Top of the Quads – A comprehensive survey of some of the best and most photographed university quadrangles from institutions across the world.
Our Imaginary Universities – A glossy and hefty coffee table collection of transcripts of all the best bits from the mildly popular podcast My Imaginary University. With a sumptuous range of dubious AI-generated pictures.
Franchising for Fun and Profit – a comprehensive guide to getting the most out of sub-contracting degree courses for pleasure and profit (Disclaimer: this book is absolutely not endorsed by either the OfS or the QAA. Following the advice it contains is at your own risk and may lead to early investigation by regulators and/or The Sunday Times).
No Money – recently discovered manuscript in which Martin Amis provides a grim sequel to his classic 1984 novel, this time set in the financially challenged university sector.
At the High Table Yet Again – A fourth volume featuring some of Nigella’s recipes for entertaining in College. Guaranteed to spice up the residential experience.
A Passage to India (8th edition, in three volumes) – a newly updated guide to navigating the latest legislation in India for anyone trying to set up a branch campus there.
Dons on the Catwalk – a review of all the best in contemporary academic gowns and hoods produced by the Burgon Society and featuring many of the UK’s most popular professors gowned up in the latest 19th century fashions.
In addition, here are some other not terrifically best selling books which we discovered in a pile in the basement which might be worthy of consideration:
- 100 Years of Solitude – Dealing with the challenges of team-based research in the arts
- Bleak Houses – Student accommodation through the ages
- The Telegraph Guide to Mickey Mouse Modules and Donald Duck Degrees
- Professor Corelli’s Mandolin – One creative academic’s musical meanderings around the Ionian islands
- Data Delights and Tableau Tableaux
- Jamaica Ins – Caribbean student recruitment opportunities explored
- Behind the Scenes at the University Museum
- The Borrowers – University Librarians have their say
- I Spy Universities
- A Room with a View of the Car Park – Office allocations for beginners
- Fave HE FOIs – from Prosecco Spend to Haunted Houses
- The Men and Women in the High Castle – The biggest and best Vice-Chancellor residences
- The League Table of Extraordinary Gentlemen
- To Kill the Mockingbirds – campus avian pest control strategies
- How to Dig “Digs” – Understanding contemporary trends in student accommodation (3rd edition)
- The Bonfire of the Vanity Courses – Radical curriculum redesign made easy
As is customary these days we had to invite some AI-generated suggestions. These are the best of a breathtakingly poor selection of what were claimed to be humorous titles for beach book reads for professors, presidents and deans:
- “The Secret Life of Office Supplies: Tales from the Faculty Lounge”
- “The Art of Napping: Mastering the Power Nap Between Lectures”
- “How to Win Arguments with Your Students: A Professor’s Handbook”
- “The Adventures of Professor Procrastinate: A Journey Through Deadlines”
- “Grading Papers and Other Forms of Torture: A Survival Guide”
- “The Professor’s Guide to Avoiding Meetings: Strategies for a Peaceful Office Life”
- “The Joy of Syllabi: Crafting the Perfect Course Outline”
- “Surviving the Faculty Meeting: A Guide to Keeping Your Sanity”
- “The Secret Lives of University Mascots: Tales from the Campus”
- “How to Handle Alumni: The Good, the Bad, and the Wealthy”
- “The Secret to a Happy Campus: Coffee, Cookies, and Compliments”
- “The Dean’s Guide to Surviving Faculty Drama: Tales from the Trenches”
- “Coffee and Crisis Management: The Dean’s Daily Routine””The Dean’s Guide to Avoiding Meetings: Strategies for a Peaceful Office Life”
- “The Joy of Graduation Ceremonies: Crafting the Perfect Speech”
Surveying the whole selection you are left with the impression that the most amusing aspects of university life relate to coffee, napping, meetings and procrastination. There is hope for humanity yet.
Anyway, there are plenty of ideas here for your summer vacation reading. Do enjoy, wherever you take your beach bag.
The Wonderful (& Frightening) World of HE 
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